memories

Just like the gush of blood pouring out after the third stage of labour , that it is with me right now , a gush of words , memories and thoughts inside me that i cant keep myself away from my laptop.

Like a saying , when its rain , it pours....

The perfect evening, the view of a fading sun on the face of the earth and its quietness allow me to contemplate about everything.There are time when my head is empty , when i dont know what to write but today is different...it cant be ignored.
my mind brought me to where i started reading, yea i do have this interest the moment i know how to read but english book or novel is never my choice.There are so many reasons for that -english is not my first languange , even if i try,i wouldnt understand a thing and i will end up never touch it at all , i never know its important to learn other languange until its quite late. Then i was in my phase of life where i have to step out , let myself grow up by seeing the world outside.At this new world of mine, i didnt have much choice but to learn .With the 'pressures' around me , theres this motivation from inside of me.It was some kind of positive drive within me.I did a lot of reading, all of the material were in english , everything! there was improvement to my english and my interest to read have grown as well but only limited to the religious book that i could find in my church's library.
There so much of changes happen to my life after that , it was all mainly of the circle of friend that i have made.There were good things and some bad moments happen throughout, some honest mistake that i have made but i can only learn from it.My point is that lots time i have wasted on something that didnt give me much advantage , which i could have learn something better and be somewhere better than i am now but then again , we are to learn from mistake.

Today, im glad that the my interest towards reading has cultivated and it grew as passion in me.

My mind continued to linger to my one of the patient i have nursed yesterday , she had this terrible pain in the most sensitive part of the body.Looking at her gnawing in pain, made my heart wept , my tears welled up in my eyes and the worst part was i cant do anything to ease her pain.Of course pain killer was given to her prior to the treatment or whenever nessecarry but it didnt seems work for her.

For a moment , i felt hopeless

Unfortunately, i cant indulge myself in that feeling of hopelessness because i need to put courage , put on smile , put on every positive substances before i move around to other patient.While waiting and hoping for the time to pass by and find a moment like this to drain it out from my system before its toxicate me.

an evening on sunday

Drizzle has turned to fat rain pouring out to the earth and some splashed onto the glass window next to where i am sitting now..i was just enjoying the dampness of the atmosphere for few minutes then the sun appeared again and i dont know how long it will shine till it rain again or probably not , by the look and the warmness of the temperature , the rain is seems unwelcome.



Whatever the weather is or how many time it change itself it wont make any different to how i felt right now.Not many things to do except for the daily errands and the study hour for me to accomplish.The feeling of emptiness and sometimes loneliness have been inside me since long ago but its doesnt seems bother me much this day, i had too many of those days and i have learnt to stand and held my head up high.

This moment its not about how i have been so stupid or how weak i was after that 'something' in my life didnt work out but it is all about how much i have learn to move further and turn my head to the positive side of life and eventually be grateful for where i am now.There were moments when i felt so hopeless but today there are so much of things ahead of me that i wanted to achieve and couldnt wait to get there.I am at the stage in my life where theres no turning point , i either go ahead with the dreams or i let them go.But that never is my choice , letting them go is never the option except for some of the days that i felt so much of pressure but then i looked around me , i saw my friends who struggling just like me so i felt not alone and i know i have to finish what i have started.
Avoiding our routine or rather stop doing things that makes us happy is the most harderst part, at least for me. I will never forget how much it enervated me every single moment and it felt like nothing left in me by the end of the day but apparently the things that almost look like weakest point of my life has turned into positive thing that still growing in me.Apart from that, i have learn that avoiding or walking away is the smartest things to do if its only cause our life to stumble .Its barely a month from that turning point in my life but i have found load of things for myself to be indulge with and be happier than ever.

The sun still shine brightly outside as i glanced at my watch its only almost 3pm , no wonder.I have been sitting at this corner for hours now ignoring any sign of life around me as i am so into my reading then surfing then browsing then writing and listening to my favourite love songs.I thought i heard another sound, yea it is.... the rambling sound of my stomach as i missed my lunch.

Another book

I have my eyes on Cecelia Ahern's novel this week.For a start, i have finished 'P.s I love you'. This book is superb , a story of a couple who have lived most of their life together but then separated for ever after the death of the husband.Throughout the story , i cant help but feeling depressed for Holly ,for her to go about the day without her husband and live only because of the monthly messages .My heart really went out for her.Everytime , she got the message i felt a lump in my throat just like her i guess and at times inevitably i felt my tears ran down my cheeks. I felt her sadness, her emptiness and her loneliness.Maybe i was just too emotional, too sentimental.

The one thing that i hate reading a love story is that i tend to feel sorry for myself after the whole story but that was before, i have learnt to handle it.What i really love about this novel was that there were lots of emotion in me that i didnt know , that i didnt understand before but Miss Ahern has put it in words for me.Eventhough the situation is very different but the feeling towards it are all the same.The feeling of loneliness that sometimes i wanted to run away from but other times i just value it. Another thing is the jealousy of seeing other people moving on happily with their life, with the perfect partner while me on the other side have none of it.It wasnt like i hate other people being happy , no , not at all but i wish i could have it just like them.
Just like Holly, there were time when i did not know what to live for or i was once had the feeling of no reason to wake up in the morning.That is why i got so into this novel , into to life of Holly because all those emotions have been so familiar to me.But at certain page of this novel, i found it amusing because of its humorous elements such as character of Leo the hairdresser and Ciara , Holly's sister.Eventhough i was a bit upset because Holly didnt find love with Daniel but the end of the story she moved on with a million of happy memories of Gerry, the love of her life.

I have another book of her -'If you could see now', lying on my table waiting to be read

Books

Another idyllic day has gone by and another beautiful bright morning today as i sit facing my laptop, browsing , thinking and writing.

Last week i was trying to concentrate on my revision and put my novel aside but i ended up finishing it instead and found myself in a bookstore hunting for more and with the highest hope that the author has come up with its another sequel.

Love story novel was not really my interest when i have started to love reading , i was more to self-improvement book or autobiographical or book that will enhance my general knowledge about things.It wasnt like love story does not interest me at all rather i was trying to avoid any element that will only bring me back to my own love life that did not work out well.I was very sensitive about it, i guess i was just trying to forget the memories of it.
Anyway, long story short , my friend bought me a book by Ken Follett called "Pillar of the earth".The title itself doesnt really spark anything to me.The story revolved around 12th
century in England about a building of cathedral and i found myself with the book almost all the time and didnt put it down till i have finished.

The story are about a lot of interesting character - Tom the builder who was one of the great mason, who started the foundation of the cathedral which became the most beautiful building in history of Kingsbridge.There were Aliena and his brother who learnt about life the hard way after being ripped off from their royal status.Everything would be different for both of them if only Aliena willing to get married with evil William.There were a lot more family conflict involved not only to the royal family, Tom builder's family but also in the family of the monk who trying to sabotage each other.Prior Philip was among the handful priest who hold the rule of celibecy to end of his life.Towards the end of the story , the author wrote about the love story of Jack Builder and Aliena .It is a happy ending story apart from the death of Tom Builder which almost made me cry.



As soon as i have finished this book , i have bought the sequel of its - " World without end".This one is even more exciting and lots more adrenaline rushed.I found myself holding my tears and the next page there was an anger in me.I cant help myself from having those emotions and it made me kept turning the page.The book is about the grandchildren of Jack Builder and one of them has inherited the passion to build from him and continue to build the most magnificient and tallest building in England after a decade after of the story of 'Pillar of the Earth'.Here, Caris is the most bravest woman in this story and her passion to help the sick people really touched me.As much as she love Merthin , she doesnt want to marry him because she believe that marriage means putting herself and her whole life under the man's order for ever.She sacrifice her love, her true love because she chose her to serve people , to give hope to others when she herself at times seems weak and hopeless especially after Merthin left Kingsbridge.


Theres a lot more about this book that i think the author has really succeed in putting the readers to the edge of their emotion just as what it has done to me.

Right now, im still looking forwards getting his book but it seem like the bookstore in my area provide quite limited choices.I bought new novel , still in the middle of reading it.I wanted to say its a fun book that i was smiling all by myself while reading it at certain page.Yesterday, i was wondering or rather hunting for a new book while waiting for my friend doing her errand.I got my eyes on few books and its a World's book day , they got this best price offered so it occured to me how lucky and happy i was as i walked back to the car park.

Mind at crisis

Lets start with the day,
it is indeed a beautiful quiet morning.After the good rest last night , today i woke up with a fresh but still with a deciding moment state of mind since the last few days.

Been doing the thinking about making a turning point about my future.....

Getting to know what we really want in life is a bit confusing at times to the extent that we unable to make a choice.That we are so scared in the end , it is not what we really want.

That exactly whats inside my mind right now, its not like theres a wrong choices here but i gotta to be serious about it.Having been to the different area ,give me a different kind of experience and knowledge and so its effect my choices in future.

my mind at crisis,

a deciding moment ,

a turning point.

Being able to witness the process of labour and watching at the little one comes out to our world really amazed me.While everyones in that room getting ready to 'work', i got the opportunity to observe everyone's reaction.I was standing in the middle of the room, in the middle of the excitement and moment of joyful to the parents and everyone else.

Father at one corner with uneasiness expression at one second and full of happiness the next minute

Mother lying on the bed trying her might and soul to push him out to our world after the hours of labour pain then after a splint of second , exhausted but proud face emerged from her.

Then the cry of the baby is like the sound of the music to everyone's ear in the room , everyone anxiously waiting for it like waiting for our favourite singer to sing their heart out to us.

Those are the unforgettable moment , a moment only happen in these scene and no other place.I just want to be there , to be one of the person who be able to bring them out and bring happiness to the face of the proud parent at the same time.


I have encoutered someone who was i guess at crisis in her life too.She worried about her unmarried life and i can see her desperation about it.Theres nothing i can do for her , i wish i could......

At some point in our life , we face crisis ,complicated choices , a decision to make.Whether we like it or not, mind should be made up and move further.

Another friend of mine, not a close one but i knew her since i got to this course.For the last couple of days i have been working with her i knew theres something wrong with her.She never mention anything but sometimes we know when the other person in need.So i wanted to help her or offer a help but i doesnt want make her feel bad.I have been thinking since last night of how can i approach her and probably be able to do something .

My heart goes out for them.

For a start

I have given myself 2 hours a day to do my blogging..I wish i have more time to sit here and write but i cant afford to do that for now.

Why am i here ? Im not quite sure,I have this old place that i used to blog on and off for i think 3 years now.But yesterday, sunday morning i was just sitting in front of my laptop trying to do search something about the interesting book that i have read.Then it brought to me this blogger place where i saw other people talking about the same book, wrote about their idea and thought about every character in that story.I was amazed. So i decided so build something up here.
Besides, i cant handle Facebook anymore, for some reason that is probably better if i dont mention why.So i needed a place, a new place to pour my heart out.

I know for a start this page of mine is a bit boring,i am still in middle of trying to learn how to make thing works here and im sure with time, things will get better.

I love reading and knowing about others feeling , thought and idea about things.The differences from each person make it unique.As i believe, words are very powerful.That is why im here to get interacted through their writing with people from different place or different from every aspect of life.

Like every other day in our life, every morning we get up and go about our day.
So it is today, on Monday morning..I heard about how people hate monday.I was wondering why,it is just same like any other day of the week that we have to wake up and live.
After all the reasoning in my head , now i know why is that so because after the splendid weekend , here come this workful, tiring monday...unwelcome.

Our day will go bad to worst from here

But we are in control of 99% things that happening around us.So take control!

This morning, as i open my eyes and staring at the darkness in my room , i have lot in my mind but i have to make it work without ruining my day.

One thing i strongly believe is that spending a little quiet moment to mediatate upon things that you believe in like something spiritually will be so helpful to make our day better!

missing rib

A girl in love asked her boyfriend...

Girl (g) :Tell me ....who do u love the most in this world?

Boy (b) :You,of course!

(g):In your heart,what am i to you?

(b):The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said,"you are my rib.In the Bible,it was said that God saw that Adam was lonely,during his sleep; God took one Adam's rib and created Eve.Every man has been searching for his missing rib,only when u find the woman of your life;You'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart."

After their wedding,the couple had a sweet and happy life for awhile.However,the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never- ending worries of daily problems...their life became mundane...

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other...The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated...

One day,after the quarrel,the girl ran out of the house....At the opposite side of the road,she shouted,"you dont love me!" The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse,retorted, "maybe it was a mistake for us to be together! you were never my missing rib!"

Suddenly,she turned quiet and stood there for a while...He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water,you can never take it back.With tears,she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.Before she left the house,"If i'm really not your missing rib,please let me go....she continued,"It is less painful this way...let us go our separate ways and search for our own partners...."

Five years went by....He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly...She had left the country and back...she had married a foreigner and divorced....He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night,he lit his cigarrate and felt the lingering ache in his heart.He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her..One day, they finally met...At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good-byes....He was going away on business trip.She was standing there alone , with justthe security door separating them.She smiled at him gently.

(b) : How are you?

(g) : I'm fine .How about you....Have you found your missing rib?

(b) : No.

(g) : I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.

(b) : I'll be back in 2 weeks time.Give me a call when u are back ....you know my number..Nothing has changed.

With a smile,she turned around and waved good-bye...

Good-bye........

One week later, he heard of her death.She had perished in New York.In the event that shocked the world..

Midnight..........Once again,he lit his cigarette....And like before,he felt the lingering ache in his heart.....He finally knew, she was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken......

Sometimes,people say things out of moments of fury......Most often than not,the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental...we vent our frustration 99% at our loved ones...And even though we know that we ought to "think twice and act wisely", its often easier said than done.Things happen each day,many of which are beyond our control....

Let our treasure every moment and everyone in our lives...If u plan to just value them tommorow,tommorow may never come......and u realize one of them could have been your missing rib...

Im sure you would have preferred to hear a happy ending to this story,where they met and made up and lived happily ever after.But this did not happen, and so this true story ends on a sad note.The good thing is, though, that you and i are still have the oppoturnities to make he stories in our lives have happy endings.

So, dont let your missing rib or your rib-owner pass you by.Dont disappoint or hurt your parents or brothers or sisters, or boyfriend or girlfriend.You see you never know when they may be taken away from you,so be sure to relate to them how much they mean to you and how much you love them, EVERYDAY.