memories

Just like the gush of blood pouring out after the third stage of labour , that it is with me right now , a gush of words , memories and thoughts inside me that i cant keep myself away from my laptop.

Like a saying , when its rain , it pours....

The perfect evening, the view of a fading sun on the face of the earth and its quietness allow me to contemplate about everything.There are time when my head is empty , when i dont know what to write but today is different...it cant be ignored.
my mind brought me to where i started reading, yea i do have this interest the moment i know how to read but english book or novel is never my choice.There are so many reasons for that -english is not my first languange , even if i try,i wouldnt understand a thing and i will end up never touch it at all , i never know its important to learn other languange until its quite late. Then i was in my phase of life where i have to step out , let myself grow up by seeing the world outside.At this new world of mine, i didnt have much choice but to learn .With the 'pressures' around me , theres this motivation from inside of me.It was some kind of positive drive within me.I did a lot of reading, all of the material were in english , everything! there was improvement to my english and my interest to read have grown as well but only limited to the religious book that i could find in my church's library.
There so much of changes happen to my life after that , it was all mainly of the circle of friend that i have made.There were good things and some bad moments happen throughout, some honest mistake that i have made but i can only learn from it.My point is that lots time i have wasted on something that didnt give me much advantage , which i could have learn something better and be somewhere better than i am now but then again , we are to learn from mistake.

Today, im glad that the my interest towards reading has cultivated and it grew as passion in me.

My mind continued to linger to my one of the patient i have nursed yesterday , she had this terrible pain in the most sensitive part of the body.Looking at her gnawing in pain, made my heart wept , my tears welled up in my eyes and the worst part was i cant do anything to ease her pain.Of course pain killer was given to her prior to the treatment or whenever nessecarry but it didnt seems work for her.

For a moment , i felt hopeless

Unfortunately, i cant indulge myself in that feeling of hopelessness because i need to put courage , put on smile , put on every positive substances before i move around to other patient.While waiting and hoping for the time to pass by and find a moment like this to drain it out from my system before its toxicate me.